Dealing With Grief
When you lose someone you love, you will probably feel a variety of emotions. Sometimes the intensity of these emotions can be surprising, and they may subside after a period of time only to resurface again. This is very normal! The period of recovery is different for every person. Its your own period of adjustment, on your own terms. Be patient with yourself and take one step at a time.
Grief is a process of making the fact of loss real. It takes time. People experience this process differently, but feelings of anger, loneliness and despair are a normal part of the process. The time it takes to work through grief is also different for everyone. No two people react or respond in exactly the same way. During any period that seems stressful, its helpful to remember that your feelings, no matter what they are, are worth feeling. Theyre neither good nor bad in themselves. Talking about your feelings as you experience them is helpful and important. Whether you talk with family, friends, special support groups or a counselor, share your feelings. As you open up youll be able to identify your emotions, start to deal with them, moving toward recovery.
Chronic Grief is grief which continues for months and never seems to improve. It can be a problem if it interferes significantly with your ability to function each day. You may wish to seek help from a clergyperson or mental health professional.
Dealing With Grief
These days, fewer Americans grow up surrounded by extended family and friends and their contact with death and the long-standing tradition of attending the funeral services of loved ones has been dramatically reduced. Therefore, when death does strike someone close, they have little, if any, preparation toward accepting it. Overall, grieving is less ritualized today than it used to be, both during the funeral service and in everyday life. However, grieving is still a very important part of dealing with any type of loss, but especially the loss of a loved one.
Emotions caused by the death of a loved one are very powerful. If these emotions are not faced, experienced, and dealt with, they may become a destructive force in a persons life. On the other hand, grief should not be indulged to the exclusion of all other emotions. Feeling sadness is healthy and normal but you should also incorporate some celebration of the joy of this persons life through the funeral service or in other types of commemoration. Also, those who are busiest handling all the details at the time of death are the ones who do not take time to grieve and say goodbye. Later, this grief can manifest itself as illness or depression.
Grief is a difficult topic for many people to discuss because it touches each and every one of us. By facing the death of a loved one, we find that we must come to face our own sense of mortality. Talking, sharing and even reading about grief and our reactions to it, are ways in which we can heal ourselves.
There appears to be three generally recognized stages of grief that a person encounters after a loss. The first is shock and denial. The second is anger and depression. and the final stage is understanding and acceptance.
The numbness that many people experience following the loss of a loved one is created by the shock and denial one feels when first facing the news of the death. A sense of unreality may prevent the tears and other outward forms of expression that we expect with grief.
Tears and anger often begin as a person reaches the second stage of grief. The loss now seems real and it is painful. Grief begins to affect you physically as well as emotionally. You may feel a loss of appetite, an inability to sleep, upset stomach, and other physical reactions. These are all normal reactions that need to be addressed. However, turning to alcohol or drugs only makes the pain more difficult.
The third and final stage of grief is understanding and acceptance. While no one can ever fully understand the loss of a loved one, reconciling ourselves to that loss is a necessary part of recovery. By living one day at a time and taking positive steps each day, youll find you are beginning to cope again. Your active participation in this process will speed the time of healing.
Taking Steps Toward Recovery
Feelings of panic and confusion often follow the death of a loved one. These feelings can cause us to run from life, to avoid family and friends, and to refuse to try new things. While these feelings are a normal part of grief, our willingness to accept the loss can help us to overcome panic and confusion. At times during the grieving process, we find that familiar and necessary activities are difficult. We prefer to drift in our memories and daydreams of what might have been. This stage will pass.
Many people blame themselves after the death of a loved one. Its important to realize that everyone has regrets for mistakes made in our relationships but focusing on guilt can prevent recovery. Talking with friends or a counselor can aid us in confronting and dealing with feelings of guilt.
Grief changes but it does not have to destroy a persons life. It can be a time of real personal growth as you discover new things about yourself and the strength you have now developed through the grief experience.
Finally, we realize that love endures and life goes on for the survivors. These things become even more precious to us as we realize that they do not last forever.
1. Give yourself permission to grieve.
2. Dont be afraid to cry.
3. Be patient with yourself - grieving takes time and feelings of sadness and despair dont just disappear.
4. Find a compassionate listener.
Lean on old relationships and reach out to build new ones for the future.
5. Live in the moment, one day at a time.
6. Postpone making major decisions until you feel you are ready to handle them.
7. Focus on your responsibilities like your family, your job, and your friends to rally your inner strength.
8. Join a support group.
9. Take care of your body by exercising, eating properly and resting.
10. Knowledge is power. Learn about grief through books and videos.
11. Realize that its O.K. to be angry about your loss.
12. Dont panic when you have a setback. Grief has its own individual timetable
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